Soaking Up Motherhood
It is insane to think in 3 months, I will have a three- year- old. PURE INSANITY! I remember what it felt like when I brought him home. There were a plethora of emotions I felt that day. The intense feeling of love, and immediately I knew that it is not possible to ever love someone as much as I love Malik. Also, I felt anxious and fearful, I was a new mother and did not know all that motherhood was to bring. I’d recognized that motherhood has brought a strange feeling of confidence. I felt and still feel because I am a mother, there is not much that I cannot do.
It’s funny before Malik, I rushed Fridays, weekends, and summers, and did not understand the essence of time. Motherhood taught me how time flies by unapologetically and to soak up moments as frequently as possible. I cherish every cuddle, kiss, hug, and closeness that Malik requires of me. I am prepared that one day Malik isn’t going to want to cuddle with me. I know and do hope for this day to come, but comes sluggishly and undemandingly.
I will never forget his first steps and his first words. (Which was not mama by the way.) I annoyingly love the way Malik’s yells “MOMMY” in such urgency about 10,000 times a day. I love hearing it, it’s like a favorite song that never gets old no matter how much it’s played, it remains timeless. I adore the times he invites me to play and dance with him. I know that there will be a time when he will not want me to play and will be embarrassed by my dancing.
I cherish our nighttime routine which consists of reading books, playing a lullaby, pillow talk and light play before he finally goes to sleep. After he drifts into a slumber, I stay awake admiring how peaceful he is. I steal kisses from his rosy cheeks and forehead and listen to the soothing sound of his bear snore. When he awakes, he climbs into my arms and lay his head on my chest. I soak in the extra morning cuddles, no matter how late I am running. I give myself at least 3 minutes of mommy and baby quiet cuddle time. The world can wait. Everything can wait.
Although I have this bittersweet pit in my stomach that time has left in a hurry, I’m grateful to have this time at all. I’m soaking in motherhood to the best of my ability. If Malik turns 20 tomorrow, I will be okay knowing that I made the best of these moments. I’ve to capture beautiful memories with my camera but most importantly soaked up memories with my heart.
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